Today I was at work at the porn-store (I’ll be glad when I don’t have to say that anymore), working the counter when this chick came in with what looked like one of her co-workers. They were on their lunch hour, I assumed, were dressed in standard office attire, I guess, and they were acting all jovial and giddy, giggling at all the retarded things we have on display, acting like it was the first time they’d been in such a place. I have a certain dislike for “first-time visitors,” for one thing, and a general contempt for “bonding co-workers” for another; and especially for those in office attire, so I just stood there glaring at them, waiting for one of them to ask the inevitable stupid question, hoping for an opportunity to somehow indirectly insult them or make some subtle smart-ass remark.
It wasn’t long until the woman, some blonde, came up to me with her blue eyes wide in enthusiasm; pink, puffy mascara-caked cheeks, grinning goofily from ear to ear, making all sorts of hyper hand gesticulations as she said, “”Hey, we’re having a going-away party for one of our co-workers at the office. Do you have this thing I’ve heard of? It’s like, this “plastic butt” that people are supposed to pass around and have their friends sign at parties?”
“Plastic butts” to sign? I thought it sounded pretty stupid, of course, and I’d never heard of such a thing. We have things like dumb Bachelorette Party T-shirts with these checklists on them that people are supposed to sign at parties, and hats and stuff like that. But this idea of a “plastic butt” sounded like something this chick had misunderstood somewhere, like some errant conflation she’d made in her mind between something she’d heard about and what she thought a porn store should have, or something, it was so bizarre sounding to me. A plastic BUTT to sign? HAHAHAHA!! Regardless, I was bored so I tried to make a sale, showing her these Cyberskin, rubbery, flesh-like male masturbatory aids, these big fake, expensive life-like butts with vaginas meant for guys to stick their young, pink dicks in and I’m sure faaaar from what this chick was looking for. The girl just frowned when I showed her our deluxe Jill Kelly “Pussy n’ Ass”; she shook her head “no” when I offered her the awesome Tera Patrick “Power Rump”. By the time she declined my third selection, I was so disgusted with her and life in general, that I turned my back to her, bent over a tad and quickly jerked my pants down, exposing my bare bottom to her as I said, “Well then why don’t you sign MY butt, bitch?!” Hee!
“Oh my God, how rude!” the woman exclaimed as her friend looked on in shock, frozen in his disbelief . I decided I wasn’t finished yet, so I backed my ass into her body real hard, with such a force that she went flying against the dildo wall. I continued to ram into her with my sweet, round ass, crushing her pelvic area as I grunted in the effort, kept taking a few steps forward, then backing my ass back against her violently, like a battering ram, hearing the wind being knocked out of her as dildoes and vibrators came crashing to the floor. Her friend just stood there as the woman gasped, “Scott! Aren’t you going to do something?!”
“C’mon, bitch! Sign my butt!” I repeated over and over and it wasn’t long until she fell to the floor upon a pile of sex toy rubble. Scared, her friend ran out of the store as I continued my assault, having had my fill. I moved the operation to her head which I sat on, smashing my bare buttocks against her twittering face. Then I started doing a “leap frog” on her, my palms pressed against the floor, lifting my ass about a foot in the air and then SLAMMING my bare butt down upon her skull, up and down like a pristine piston, a hammer to a nail, over and over as she made all these gurgling, googly ghastly sounds of pain. It was only when I felt the wet sensation of blood on my ass that I decided it was time to stop. Looking down upon her I noticed her face was smeared red, bruised purple beyond belief and I realized I’d broken her nose with my sweet butt! Hee! Oops!
