I cry a lot. I cry when I watch certain television programs. I cried the other night while I was watching this show about primitive man. The show was about our ancestral monkey people in Africa, like Homo Erectus (and all these more subtle sub-human species developments in between, names of which I can’t remember right now) or something, and it talked about how they descended from the apes. It chronicled their evolution and development from using stone to bronze to copper to crowbars to slay their prey and stick things up their hairy butts. I honestly felt moved by each evolving stage because the show had all these actors dressed up in ape outfits, acting out the drama of each new early human discovery. It was sort of like when I used to take acid a lot, all primal and tear-filled oneness and all. My heart pitter-pattered as I watched my filthy monkey ancestors killing tigers more efficiently, and ostriches and dolphins and what-not, for food and for feathers (to, again, stick up their hairy butts because they were still fucking stupid) .
Fire. It was fire! It was the part about when the human monkey people discovered fire that moved me so much I cried (I’m not making this up either; I really did cry). The early humans were at first afraid of fire,. They shook in their boots (allow me the anachronism) as they watched it fall from the spooky sky in the form of lightning bolts striking trees, burning bushes and making the early monkey people scream in terror! For years, nay, for millennia, Homo Erectus was scared of the fearsome flickering dance of the awesome orange and yellow blazes! Then one day, a hero , a brave soul in the group walked up to the blaze after a lightning bolt set a small tree afire. His eyes were bulging wide open; his mouth was agape; he was grunting in wonderment! Trembling in fear! But he had a yearning in his primitive heart, a yearning we all still have to this day. He was shivering in the cold as, shaking, he tentatively broke a flaming limb from the burning tree and realized the flame gave off heat! It was keeping him warm! And he then realized that fire could be controlled and contained.
He began bouncing up and down, emitting excited grunts and groans as he ran back to his clan. They all gathered around him in a circle like he was GOD, marveling at the flaming torch of a thick pivotal twig he held in his hairy hand, raising it up the air triumphantly! And thus they all slept warmly that night. Then in the next scene, the program showed the African sunrise from a distance. On the horizon could be seen a warm, loving subhuman monkey family starting a fire and cooking meat now! They had learned to burn other, stupider and slower animals and put their cooked arms and legs in their mouths to poop them out their hairy buttholes again and it all seemed so useless and silly, but I cried. We do the same thing today. It never gets old.
I cried! I cried because I couldn’t stand it. The glory. The overcoming of fear to feed a family. It takes a village to raise a child, you know, and this whole thing with Homo Erectus and fire reminded me of LOVE !! Big, gushing scary spooky golden love! Hee! I’m so giddy! It reminded me of how when we are confronted with love, when we meet someone who makes us tremble and weak in the knees- with that twinkle in their eyes- we are a bit scared at first, just like primitive man was. Like Cher says in her hit song, “The Way of Love”:
"And if a flame should start as you hold him near,
Better keep yourself out of danger, dear!"
HAHAHA! Oh the horror of impending, potential love and the never ending abstract juxtaposition between bliss and agony that can come from it!! Should I open myself up to such intimacy? To such folly? To such openness and submissiveness and will I end up getting burned and rejected? Does Tina like me? Will Josh go out with me? But like our primal ancestors, the early monkey people who conquered fire, I think we should all take our chances with love. Hee! Approach the flames of burning golden spooky fiery love, my friend, and don’t look back! Don’t be afraid because love can keep you warm! I still believe in love. After going to the Cher concert over the summer, and now, after seeing this story of our primal ancestors learning to control fire, I am certain off it. I'm being serious here!! Hee!
